


slipped away

by mitikune



Category: DSMP - Fandom, Dream SMP - Fandom, Minecraft (Video Game), Video Blogging RPF
Genre: Alternate Ending, Character Death, Death, Dream Team SMP Spoilers, Dream is an asshole, Five Stages of Grief, Gen, Grief/Mourning, Healing, Heavy Angst, Manipulator Dream, Self-Sacrifice, Toby Smith | Tubbo Needs a Hug, Toby Smith | Tubbo is Not Okay, yes this is based off an avril lavigne song let me be
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2021-01-22
Updated: 2021-01-22
Packaged: 2021-03-14 10:02:32
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence, Major Character Death
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,882
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/28918773
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/mitikune/pseuds/mitikune
Summary: When Tubbo always heard Tommy say that he wanted to "follow in Wilbur's footsteps"... this wasn't quite what he envisioned. But here they stand, and they are out of time.
Relationships: Tubbo & Tommyinnit
Comments: 17
Kudos: 118





	slipped away

The SMP was empty, devoid of all its color. Not literally, of course, nothing had changed. Tubbo still walked the Prime Path, still passed the egregious amounts of bamboo, still looked at the colorful buildings and sculptures and homes. Everything was lively and cheery. Nothing had changed. Nothing, of course, except Tubbo himself. He hadn't been the same since that day. Nothing seemed bright anymore, nothing seemed okay. The sunrises were bleak and pale, the stars in the sky were nothing but white specks on a black backdrop. Everything was just shapes and colors, nothing held any meaning. Nothing was beautiful anymore.

Tubbo was making his rounds, his head lowered and staring at the wooden slabs as he walked across them. He heard a voice, and he lifted his head. "Hi, Ranboo."

"Hey, Tubbo..." Ranboo started cautiously with a smile, standing a few feet away from him as if Tubbo was some wild monster that could lash out at any moment. "How are you feeling today?"

"Great, Ranboo," Tubbo said, voice dripping with monotone and faux brightness. "How are you?"

"I'm alright, I'm alright..." Ranboo nodded his head, keeping a smile on his face as his eyes glanced aside. "...you know, uh... people are getting worried about you. You haven't been the same since..."

The words hung in the air. The unfinished sentence an unfinished symphony. And that's how Tubbo felt. The soundtrack to his life had reached its peak, swelling with emotion, the instruments crying out in harmony before... it stopped. All was done. 

It was silent.

"I'm fine, Ranboo."

"Well... okay," Ranboo gave another smile, taking a step forward to reach and pat Tubbo on the shoulder. "We're all here for you, man."

Tubbo stepped back, out of Ranboo's reach. Ranboo took the hint and pulled his hand back to his side. "I know. Thank you."

He turned, and continued down the path.

-

The song played on loop in his headphones as he stared at the ceiling, laying lifelessly on his bed. The room was blank and empty. The air was stagnant. Everything at once had stopped. 

He hadn't even realized he'd been crying. 

Faintly, in his ears, rang a melody.

_"I miss you, miss you so bad. I don't forget you, oh, it's so sad..."_

The song began to fade around him, as he felt himself being sucked into his memory like a void.

_"Keep the discs, Tommy, keep the discs! I've done enough in my life, I'm fine! It's okay!"_

_"Tubbo!"_

_The disc was thrown from Tommy's inventory, and Tubbo's frantic breathing calmed. His eyes met Tommy's. Tommy, the Tommy that risked his most prized possession just to keep him safe. He had been so scared, yet so resigned._

_The discs were worth more than you ever were._

_When the disc hit the floor, laughter erupted from the green man before them. Tommy and Tubbo exchanged glances, as Dream maniacally pulled out TNT. "Those weren't even the real discs! I'm just playing with you! I'm playing with my food!"_

Tubbo rolled over onto his side, his face scrunching up as he buried it in a pillow to muffle his sobs. 

-

Who would've thought, after Tubbo had been so resigned to shake Death's hand, that it wouldn't be him that went?

He walked down the path again, curious as to who it would be this time that stopped him to talk. Another sad attempt at trying to make him cheer up, as if what happened, hadn't happened. It was sickening.

"...Tubbo?"

Tubbo would recognize that voice anywhere. They were really getting desperate, weren't they?

"What do you want, Phil?" Tubbo turned to him, eyes cold. "Don't you have another city to destroy? A few more hearts to break?"

The winged father before him cast his gaze to the floor. "Tubbo. Please let me speak. I know you're grieving. Believe me, I know."

"No," Tubbo's voice shook with hardly suppressed rage. "Phil, you have no goddamn idea how I'm feeling right now."

"I was his father--"

"And some father you were!" Tubbo shouted, taking steps forward until he stood in front of him. "You _knew_ what L'Manberg meant to Tommy! You know that he loved you, and you betrayed him! His own father! And where were you, Philza? Where were you, when he needed you most?"

"Tubbo!" Philza shouted. "Don't you turn this on me--"

"No! You are going to listen to me!" Tubbo screamed out, "it's your turn to listen now, Phil!" Tubbo felt the familiar sting of angered tears boiling behind his eyes. "You killed Wilbur with his own sword," Tubbo seethed, leaning in on his face, "and you killed Tommy, too!"

"I did not kill Tommy! You--"

"If it wasn't for you," Tubbo shrieked, "if L'Manberg was still standing, none of this would've happened! He only went after those _fucking_ discs because they were all he had left! His country, his father, his brother, they all left! Because of you! The discs were all he had left, besides me! And look--" Tubbo's voice cracked, and it fell into a bitter whisper. "Look how that worked out for him."

Tubbo spun around on his heel, beginning to march down the wooden slabs of the path again. "Tubbo!" Phil called out, taking a few steps after him.

"Get out!" Tubbo screamed, loud enough for others around them to peek out of their homes at the drama on the street. He turned to face Phil one last time. "Get out of here, Phil. Never come back, or _I swear to god,_ I'll kill you were you stand."

And off he walked, again.

-

_"I hope you can hear me, I remember it clearly..."_

The song was playing again, this time in the streets. What was this, some kind of sick memorial? Tubbo sat in his house, and even he could hear the distant whispers of a song from outside. Images flashed behind his eyes, and he gripped his hair in his knuckles and suppressed the urge to vomit as it all came flooding back to him.

_"Tubbo, put your stuff in the hole."_

_Tommy's face. That's all Tubbo could remember, it was burned into his mind like a still image. Tommy's face, the flashbacks that came pouring back, the fear, the dread, the trauma, the manipulation... The severity of Tommy's abuse, at his hand, was crushing. If he never exiled him, if he never diverted from the plan..._

_So, it was Tubbo that put his things in the hole first. Armor, weapons, potions, everything. And next came Tommy. Tubbo's blood turned cold as he realized the situation he'd put him in. Now that Tubbo was stripped of his power, that meant that Tommy would, to protect him. There was a reason Dream targeted Tubbo first. He was a pawn. He really was a pawn._

_Dream really was one step ahead._

_Tubbo shot Tommy a raw, apologetic look. Tommy didn't hesitate to put all of his inventory in the hole, and Tubbo watched him remove his armor with shaky, familiar hands. He'd done this a million times, and that crushing realization sent Tubbo spiraling._

_"I'll take you to the real discs. Follow me."_

_-_

And who would it be today? Tubbo walked down the path, keeping his head low as he always did. It felt nice to have some sort of routine, something to keep him focused. He felt like he'd just fall apart if there was nothing to keep him moving. 

"Hey, friend..."

Tubbo immediately froze. His expression softened. He turned around to face the voice, and could've cried at the sight. "Ghostbur," he whispered.

"Hi there..." Ghostbur gave a very soft, apologetic smile. "I... I heard what was... going on with you. I know I might forget it but, I know now, in this moment. I can only imagine how hard it must be for you... Tubbo, would you like some blue?"

Tubbo watched the ghost toss blue dye onto the ground, and Tubbo rushed to pick it up, and then kept rushing. He flung his arms around Ghostbur, beginning to sob into his chest as he clung to him. He felt the faint, tingly warmth of Ghostbur wrapping his arms around him in turn. "Tubbo... would you like to talk about it?"

"It's all I see," Tubbo began fumbling out sobs mixed with words. "When I close my eyes, when I sleep, he's in my d-dreams, whenever I see an axe, he's all I can think about, I didn't... I didn't want to hurt him, I never meant to..."

"I know, I know... you did what you had to do, Tubbo, you didn't have a choice..." Ghostbur rested his chin atop the younger boy's head. He was just 16. He was too young for this. He felt a faint flicker of anger towards Dream, and he tightened his grip around the young boy. 

"I've m-messed up other relationships now too... out of anger, out of... out of..."

"Grief," Ghostbur began softly, "is a hell of a drug, Tubbo. No one blames you for lashing out. No one."

Tubbo only cried harder, his knees going weak. Ghostbur followed him to the ground, continuing to hug him tightly. He even began to sway back and forth, rocking and cradling Tubbo in a way that he hoped would be comforting. It was silent for so long, before Tubbo softly spoke up again. "Do you think he blames me? Do... do you think he hates me?"

"No," Ghostbur said immediately. "No, I don't think so, at all. I think he's happy. I think he knows you made the right choice. I think the only thing he regrets is... having it have to come down to that in the first place."

"I wish I could apologize."

"You wouldn't need to, but... maybe, one day, you can."

-

_"The day you slipped away, was the day I found it won't be the same."_

He'd been looping the song again. Letting his mind wander, for once, letting him process the events instead of shoving them down and repressing them. He allowed his mind to play the trauma, allowed himself to feel bad about it. With a shaky breath, he closed his eyes.

_"Get on."_

_"What? How do we know you won't just kill us?--Tubbo!"_

_"We're dead either way, Tommy."_

_Tommy glanced at Tubbo, to Dream, before sighing and slowly getting onto the cross. They began to descend._

_There were his discs, just laying on the floor. And there were two ender chests beside them. He could take them, right now. And it would be over._

_"I wouldn't, if I were you, because then Tubbo dies, but..."_

_It was always that. It was always 'Tubbo dies, Tubbo dies'. Maybe that's why this took him by such surprise._

_"Tommy, I need you alive," Dream continued his monologue. "You brought attachment. You brought friendship and love, and as long as you're alive, you'll continue to do so. You're the hero, Tommy. Everyone loves you. So long as you live, people will continue to love. So I can't kill you. But I can kill Tubbo."_

_"But you won't. You have no reason to," Tommy had said, standing protectively in front of the other. "Fuck the discs. Just let us go."_

_"I can't," Dream smirked, taking a few steps forward. "The discs don't matter anymore, Tommy. Those were just to get you here. You've already proven to me that you care more about Tubbo than the discs. That was a test, earlier. You gave me that disc in exchange for his life. That means that I can't control you with the discs... I control you with him." Dream suddenly pearled behind them, grabbing Tubbo and pulling him close to himself. "And he's going to die tonight."_

_"No!" Tommy shrieked. "Fuck you, Dream, let him go! Please, I'll-I'll do anything."_

_"This is the end of the line, Tommy," Dream smirked, shoving Tubbo forward. "You get five minutes to say your goodbyes. I'll go over here, beside the portal, and you two go over there. Enjoy your last five minutes. Don't waste it, or you'll regret it forever."_

_Tubbo was already across the vault, and Tommy followed suit. He stared at his friend, panic clear in his expression. "Okay. Five minutes to brainstorm, what do we got?"_

_"Tommy..." Tubbo sounded so... defeated. Resigned. "It's okay."_

_"What? What do you mean it's 'okay'?" Tommy snapped, "I'm not gonna let you fuckin' die down here!"_

_"Tommy, we had a good run," Tubbo smiled, feeling tears welling in his eyes. "We had some laughs, we had some good times... all good things must come to an end."_

_"Tubbo, what the fuck? We can run for the portal, we can-- we can--"_

_"Tommy. We're on y-level five. We have no pickaxes. We have no blocks. The elevator just went up. Dream is standing, clad in full Netherite, inches from the portal. This is it. There's nowhere else to go, Tommy." Tubbo was smiling as the tears poured down his cheeks. "It's okay. My time was coming."_

_"No!" Tommy shrieked, "I'm not letting you fucking die down here in this hole! There's gotta be another way." Tommy looked around frantically, until his eyes caught on something gleaming purple in the corner._

_The Axe of Peace._

_The gears in his mind began to spin. His eyes widened, and then looked back at Dream, then at the floor. "...Tubbo?"_

_"Yeah?"_

_"You know how... you always said you wanted to make Wilbur proud?"_

_"...yeah?"_

_"Then let's do it." Tommy slowly meandered over to the Axe of Peace, tossing it at Tubbo's feet._

_The world stopped turning, Tubbo could feel it._

_"Kill me, Tubbo. Kill me with that axe."_

_Tubbo's eyes shot wide, looking over at Dream, who was now watching intently. Tubbo knew that he'd be rushing over any second to stop them, if he thought Tubbo would actually do it. "Tommy, I can't!"_

_"Yes you can!" Tommy grabbed Tubbo's shoulders, shaking him to attention. "Tubbo! We are out of time!"_

_Tubbo glanced back again to see Dream striding towards them. "Tubbo, let go of the axe."_

_"Tubbo!" Tommy shook him again, and pleading eyes met Tubbo's own. "I'm the only thing in this server that's valuable to him! If I go, so does his power over everything! Tubbo! Please! This isn't about us, this isn't about our lives. This is about the entire server. You have to do what's right!"_

_"I won't kill you!" Tubbo shrieked, the tears pouring down his cheeks had doubled. "Tommy, I won't!"_

_"Tubbo!" Tommy screamed. "Just do it!"_

_Tubbo let out a loud sob, hearing Dream's footsteps grow ever louder against the blocks as he began to run. The world was a blur, everything ceased, as Tubbo raised the axe above his head. "Tubbo," Tommy's voice cut through the fog, and he put a hand on his shaking shoulder. "Tubbo. You're my best friend, man. I love you. You being back in my life after everything, is what saved it. It's always you, Tubs. It's always you. You save everyone. Let me save you, now."_

_And Tubbo swung down._

-

"There hadn't been a single tear," Tubbo spoke quietly. "He'd just been so... ready. I remember the way he stared at me. With resignation, with fondness... and some kind of sick sense of satisfaction. Knowing that he could finally ruin Dream's plans. Knowing that he'd never expected this. That for once, we were one step ahead. I know it's what he wanted. I know he wouldn't take it back for everything. And I know, if I had waited a second longer, he would've killed both of us."

Technoblade gave a small hum, sitting on the top of the mountain and letting his legs dangle down. "...that's an incredibly tough choice that you two were forced to make. Even if it was the right one, it... shouldn't have been up to you. Dream is... he's-he's insane, Tubbo, is what he is. Even I wouldn't have done that."

"Do you miss him? Can... you tell me some of the things you guys did when you were exiled?" Tubbo looked over at him. "Just... stories of Tommy being Tommy?"

"Of course... did he tell you that he became a raccoon?"

"A... a what?" Tubbo felt a small smile spreading on his face. "A raccoon?"

"He made a little burrow under my house, and then crept up every once in a while to steal my shit, like a little raccoon! And god, he was just about as feral as one. There were so many times I thought I was going to go insane! Does he ever stop his incessant chattering?..."

Tubbo let out a laugh, for the first time since that day. One he started laughing, he couldn't stop. He leaned against Technoblade, laughing into his shoulder as he flung his arms around him. Techno was shocked at the sudden affection, but eventually matched the hug. He wrapped his arms around Tubbo and patted his back gently, as the boy's laughs became filled with hiccups and shaky sobs. 

Healing wasn't a linear process. It's gonna hurt for an amount of time that Techno couldn't even fathom, and he had his own grievances to face, too. But as the sun rises, so begins a new day. A new dawn. 

Healing begins anew. 

**Author's Note:**

> hiiii if you liked this,,, maybe come follow/say hi on twitter? 👉👈 @mitikune_ :D enjoy!


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